I want to say it was a dream. You know, the kind of dream that gently awakes you from your sleep and makes your breath feel warm and comforting. The one that makes a delicate smile touch your lips and carries a sense of contentment you don’t feel often if ever. Then, as you move through your dharma, you realize it wasn’t a dream. It was a powerful awakening of the soul and spirit. It was guidance from your spirit angels, in my case my mother attended to the my awakening A reminder of the path you are on and where your next footstep needs to land. And then? I did it. I took the step. Working through my Cit in other aspects of my life, it could not have been a more difficult time in my life to step away and yet that was what requirements were to be in the raw state required to be open.
What do you do when you feel so deeply that the vivid images are there to guide you? You take the first step. That’s all. Then as the dust settles from each step forward, the vibrations become stronger and as your desire grows, so does patience and effortless joy. You feel the vibrations of truth and defiance welling up inside and patience for yourself and what is right. You see the next step clearly, right there, in front of you…waiting for you. Waiting for the next vibration of the next movement, the next breath. The biggest surprise for me? The calm. The sense of calm that attended every breath. Even in the moments of uncertainty, the moments of disarray within life’s circumstances, the calm? It tended to my mind, my soul and my heart. As many questions as I had about how, I never questioned the what if.
Move forward to August 20, 2018. Still with uncertainty of facilitation, I moved forward. Joined by some of the most beautiful hearts this world could host, WE moved forward.
The complexity of the facilitating and hosting a space for healing could have been daunting, and yet, for me it was as simple as bending over to tie my shoe ( as if there were such things I put on my feet). I relate this to the Hoberman sphere. The scientific representation of tensegrity that is now a popular childs toy. Tensegrity, if you are not familiar, is the characteristic property of a stable three dimensional structure consisting of members under compression that are not. What we are and depend on for all energy to pass through and sure up our physical, spiritual and emotional self is tensegrity. How do you learn to use muscle energy to contract inward and then use your inner bright to expand and create the stable environment for balance? How can I assist in a cognizant movement forward? This is where my “dream” comes into place.
How blessed I am that the circumstances unfolded as if designed, yet knowing it takes action, knowledge, humility, patience and hard fucking work to initiate and fulfill my hearts desire. Always with eyes open to all possibilities, never thinking I knew it all (this is a new trait for me). Saying yes to every opportunity and following the ones that felt right through open doors, the ones that led me to a new horizon almost daily.
As Folsom Lake Retreat unfolded and began, I was raw. I was exhausted yet exuberant. I was open. I trusted that the work I had done over the past year was purposeful and represented the movement forward I could pass on to others. It took me a bit to settle into the role I had chosen, but as the personalities and hearts began to arrive and after some time to adjust and evolve, there we were. Growing. Moving Forward in self recognition with no expectation and reliance on the outcome. I questioned if I had chosen the appropriate activities and ideas. I stumbled through acceptance. Yet as I got there, I was back to my insightful personal guidance that started it all, my mother. There I was again, trusting the work I had done.
This was a dry run. A trial. An investigation into what I needed to move forward. And the results were nothing short of, for lack of a better word, magical. That’s the word everyone began using to describe their experience 4 days in. Here I am, wondering, questioning but also trusting and BAM! Magic.
To be continued……
In la Kesh,